Have you ever been frustrated?
The kind of frustrated that leaves you angry, despite your ability to do anything about it.
Even considering writing again was a complete faith move.
It took a lot of faith, in my ability to hide my work, so I could continue to hide my emotions;
not just from you but from myself as well.
Then God directed me toward this very hidden place in my heart.
Healing couldn't even begin for me until I could allow myself to feel again...
where I deemed it necessary, for survival, to close up.
That all began my writing again.
For me, hearing myself isn't healing
Emotions expressed in the written form is like a salve or like expressing the air out of a balloon.
And here is where I wrestle with the depth of my emotions, the truth in them and the risk of sharing them with you.
If I continue to share with you, I lay myself out before you...
like in thread bare tattered clothes with little to cover me.
And yet, I still wrestle with trifle issues like over whether my prose seem too depressing or whether I do my King a justice by exposing me and Him, for who He is...
One who'd choose me, regardless of the mess I remain in or started as.
How could one such as I represent Him or do His name justice,
because I know who I am under the tatters, the remnants.
This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. John 15:12-13
So my friend, I lay myself down before you.
Did you hear the noise of the balloon blowing out its air as it flies across this page, like my pen along these lines...
And soon as the written word is typed, as the letters chase the cursor across this screen.
It blew away the anger as my King blows away my fear.
For what kind of friend would I be if I hid my light under the bushel and chose not to lay it all down to do what I believe is right, healing and true.
So I take up my cross, beautiful or not with all my rough edges, slivers and awkwardness
And Follow.
Accepting my cross,
Risking it all...
For the deflating of my emotions and you...
I choose to follow.
